Moving in with your partner can be a great way of expressing your commitment to one another, but it comes with its own set of challenges too.
Some people suddenly find themselves feeling a little suffocated by
all the time they’re spending with their other half. Some get frustrated
about things like finances or household chores. And some worry that the
spark is going to go out of things now they’re seeing their partner
pretty much every day.
If you’re thinking about moving in together – or you have recently –
we’ve got a six tips to help ensure your relationship remains strong.
1. Set your boundaries
It’s a good idea to do this early. Letting your partner know what you
are and aren’t comfortable with when it comes to things like personal
space, the amount of time you spend together, which household items
you’re comfortable sharing, what you’re happy with when it comes to
guests and so on can really help avoid resentment building up over time.
Remember: wanting to do things differently is rarely the problem – it’s
how you deal with these differences and how constructively you
communicate them that’s important.
2. Redecorate together
Whether you’re moving into a new place together or one of you is
moving into the other’s house, redecorating together can be a good way
of expressing your shared ownership of the space. If everything on the
floor or walls is chosen by one partner only, it can make the other feel
a bit like a guest. It can be a good idea to talk about the kinds of
things you’d like in the house together and reach fair compromises where
there are any disagreements.
3. Divide chores up between you
It’s a cliché, but who does the housework remains one of the biggest
reasons that newly cohabiting couples fight. When it comes to practical
stuff like this, it can be useful to take a very neutral, non-emotive
approach. Agree on what each of you will be doing and when you’ll be
doing it. Check in from time to time to make sure you’re both doing
their fair share. This doesn’t mean you have to police each other and
that there can’t be room for negotiation every now and then – it’s just a
good idea to try to start things off on the same page.
4. Talk Money
Moving in with your partner means your finances are going to be more
closely aligned than ever. As such, there will be a few decisions to
make. For instance, will you be sharing accounts or staying independent?
How will you divide up spending on things like food and household
items? And what about big things like holidays or redecorating? Again,
keeping emotions out of the conversation is a good idea – just be honest
with each other and make sure you communicate clearly on anything you
aren’t certain about. If you need some help, read my tips on communicating to your partner about money.
5. Don’t spend all your time in the house
It can be easy to get a little lazy once you and your partner are
cohabiting. After all, if all you have to do to see them is look in
their direction, why bother going out anymore? But stopping making the
effort to do interesting and varied things together – dinner dates, days
out, fun activities and so on – can cause things to start feeling a
little stagnant. It requires effort to keep a relationship fresh and
exciting – remember to keep putting that effort in.
6. Don’t forget to keep your sex life alive!
It’s an irony of living together that just when there’s every
opportunity to have sex at any time, that’s when your interest is at
biggest risk of waning. Don’t fall into the trap of thinking: why make
an effort tonight, when I’ll be tumbling into bed with them tomorrow…and
the next day… and the next…? Keep things fresh by springing a sexy
surprise on your partner every now and then. No need to order a
chandelier right now, but even something like new nightwear will help to
keep things from drifting into the doldrums. Read my tips on revitalizing your sex life if it’s stalled.
Have you started having difficulties since you moved in together? Or
are you unsure about taking the next step? Call Trina and make an
appointment. 202 657 6919.